Hey all,
Before I get started I want to share a snippet from an episode of south park called "Raisins" Season 7 Episode 14. Since first seeing this episode, this part has always stuck with me. Every time I find myself in a situation similar to the one I'm in now I draw from this and it makes me feel a little better. And it just goes to prove that Butters is by far the best south park character there is.
Goth Kid 2 - Yeah, we're gonna go to the graveyard and write poems about death and how pointless life is.
Butters - Uh, uhm no thanks. I love life.
Stan - Huh? but you just got dumped.
Butters - Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feeling is a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.
So without getting into to much detail, today was a pretty rough day for me. I did what was honestly the last thing I ever wanted to do. I had to let go of someone I love even though In love is exactly what I still am with them. It gave me no satisfaction and to be honest hasn't made things easier on me. But to add another quote..."If you have chemistry you only need one other thing, timing. But timings a bitch" ( ill let you figure out where i got this one
No one ever likes making these types of decisions, they're not easy and they're not fun. Whats worst about them is that deep down inside, we know they're right. While I do agree that we need to take the good with the bad, it should never be at the same time. Love might be hard to find but, "One is loved because one is Loved. No reason is needed for loving."- The Alchemist. And while we did love each other it just couldn't happen, not now.
I had just recently read the Alchemist, Its a pretty quick read (I read it in one sitting) but I absolutely loved it. It's about a Shepherd that sets out on to find his treasure by fulfilling his personal legend ( life's dream if you will ). It recounts his journeys and the lessons he learns along the way up until the very end. He then finally understands that, the true meaning of his personal legend was not to find the treasure, but to understand the personal legend itself. Only then would he find his treasure.
The one thing I noted was that every time someone realized which book it was that I was reading they all came up to me and told me basically the same thing. "Thats a great read. Its quick and has a good story to it, but you can also draw so much from it... if you need to." Even though I heard what they all had to say, until now, up until this very day, I had never truly understood it. But I think I have now, for my part anyways.
Love is strong and powerful, but as amazing as it is, it comes with its good and it comes with its bad (as butters so elegantly put =) ). But what love should never do is stop us from living our lives ( our personal legends). She new that, and even though I could tell she knew, i just wouldn't listen to her or myself... until i finally clued in and made the decision to let her go, which was horrible, hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't want to bullshit you all and make you think that I'm okay, because I'm not. Im heartbroken and devastated. But I do think I'm a stronger person for it, and I think shed agree.
Whats good about my situation; the good that has come with the bad, is that I think I'm ready to start living my life, Its opened my eyes. Being with her made me want to be a better person, I never knew how happy I could be until I was with her. And I love her for it, and always will. Maybe that happiness she gives me is my treasure, (maybe not, who knows) But its not about the treasure, its about getting there, Its about making those hard decisions, and living life to its fullest. which is what I plan to do. So yea, you know what I'm gonna mope around for a few days, feel sorry for myself (not gonna lie) but after wards I'm gonna pick myself up and start getting on with my life. And maybe someday Ill find that treasure because "wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure."
I really do appreciate anyone who decides to sit and read my blogs. Over the next few weeks I have off, i;m really gonna try and organize it a little better so that its not just me spilling everything about my life. Try and make it little more fun. But still as always, be a place were people can come see that they aren't alone. Thanks
Take care all!
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