The Good, The Bad, And the Chappell

Hey everyone,

Well it's now been 21 days since my operation, and my time off has been met with some good and bad times, Just thought I'd share some of those from the weekend.

The Good:

I took some time to go over to my dads place this weekend to hangout with my younger brother and play some video games with him. We chatted and munched and bonded. everything I could hope for in a visit with a sibling. It was a lot of fun.

The Bad:

What I learned that day was how bad I suck and video games now. Unless the title of the video game ends with "64" I really have a small to no chance of beating anyone at anything. Which my brother kindly reminded me plenty of times :) We ended up played some Mario Kart Wii where I really let myself down... P.S I also learned that the track called "Rainbow Road" should actually really be called the "Rainbow Rape Way" I still hurt. lol

The Good:

I had my first follow up since my operation with my Doctor today. He ended up giving my knee a clean bill of health!

The Bad:

before he gave my knee a clean bill, he actually told me he was worried that h the screw placed in my tibia might have actually blown right through the bone...which would of resulted in another surgery! I had to wait an hour for my x-ray results to come back. At which time the only clean thing I was wishing for other than my a clean bill knee was a clean pair of shorts.

The Good:

Got the scrabble app for my Iphone yesterday.

The Bad:

Misspelled the word rinse in front of an old lady, which ended up in an hour long conversation about the deteriorating state of young people in the wold today... Good talk...

The Good:

My Movember Moustache is coming in real nicely!

The Bad:

My Movember Moustache is coming in... real nicely...

The Good:

I have two awesome friends who gave me an early surprise present for my birthday with an awesome painting!

The Bad:

I just had to show you all that old picture haha *facepalm* Awesome Gift!

All Jokes a side though what I'm trying to get to with my blog this week is that though the weekend was actually actually really good, and sadly pretty bad. It did feel a little more like a normal weekend for me. I got to get out of the house and had a chance to go back to my work and say hi to everyone which I miss. The only thing that really freaked me out is that I've noticed that when it comes to the "good and bad" I realized that the better I feel, the more my heart actually breaks. I've had times where I knew that getting over someone was what I needed to do. But it was something I strived for because I didn't want to hurt anymore. The difference this time being that I don't actually want to get over it (in a way), I know by all rights I really should. But at the end of the day when I start to better I feel , I get upset about because It means its all a step closer to being just a memory. I don't want it to be a just a memory, I specially don't want her to be just a memory. What do you do when the hurt of moving on is worse than the hurt your feeling because your just sad? The reason for this is because I'm not mad at her for breaking my heart... I don't blame her at all for the decision she made. But what makes me mad is that I feel like for right now, I'm on a one way road. A road which I'm desperately looking for an exit for because I don't like where its taking me.. having to shed all these feelings.

Well This is definitely a new one for me, and well that was my truth bomb for the week, sorry if it got a little deep but hey... Shut up lol :) I'll definitely try and end the next one on a high note! But as always Thanks for reading all! Talk to you soon!

Chaps -

P.S Been Listening to Yeah Yeah Yeah alot lately, heres their acoustic version of their song Hysteric.

Take Care.

Lest we Forget

Lets take a minute to remember all those that gave their service and lives for our freedom. Your sacrifice wont ever go forgotten. Thank you!

They went with songs to the battle, they were young.

Straight of limb, true of eyes, steady and aglow.

They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,

They fell with their faces to the foe.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning,

We will remember them.

Lest we Forget

The Yellow Shirt

Well,

hey all, It's been about 11 days now since the operation, and I've been in bed all day 9 and 1/2 times out of 11 of them. While my knee recovery is going great (actually better than great, Its going ridiculously fast and am really thankful). I've had a really shitty past couple of weeks in other areas. So shitty that honestly I didn't think I was going to be able to write on this blog again... My last blog that I wrote, I wrote out of a feeling and being somewhere I care not to go to again. Call me Jaded but I feel worn out, exhausted, angry, but worst of all hopeless, having to give up on certain feelings is horrible, and it seems like it just keeps happening to me. It's not an easy funk to get out of, and like I said, its affected me in a not very positive way. To the point where I was ready to jump on here and let you all know that I was done, plain and simple. Lying in bed and literally having all day to over think things isn't fun, specially when what your thinking about hurts you. It plays games with you head and makes you feel worse than you probably should. Luckily as I had mentioned my recovery is going great, so great that wednesday I was actually able to get out of the house for the first time. It was like breathing for the first time in a long time, and well it leads me to the topic of my blog today. The Yellow shirt.

I'd say about 5 years ago, I bought this Yellow shirt from a shop downtown. It was a little to baggy, and little to big but It was the comfiest shirt I could remember ever having. About 2 and half years ago, a bunch of my friends from work and I went to the annual Strathmore Stampede to do the running of the bulls, It was kind of a way to celebrate one of the last times we would ever have to hang out together as the summer was ending and a bunch of us were going our own way. And if you don't believe that I actually ran with the bulls, well here you go

This was me barely dodging out of the way of a huge bull. This was right after my buddy Scotty had gotten levelled by the same bull and his friend, They were named Dumb and Dumber, and they had just singled us out on the other side of the corral. As they were running towards us we knew one of us was going to get pummelled, luckily I was just a little faster then Scotty. Fortunately for him the judges decided he got hit so badly that they awarded him with the 1000 dollar prize of the evening. Just like they did every night, the only difference was when Scotty got up to address the crowd as the winner, unlike the man who had won the night before and who felt it was okay to tell everyone including the children that he was going to spend the money on booze, drugs and sex ( haha ) Scotty was very respectful. And very much concussed haha.

Anyways I digress, the weekend we spent in Strathmore ended up being a success, we won 1000 dollars, survived a freak thunderstorm. But most of all, it just was an awesome time spent with

each other. But a few days later after I had gotten back home that realized my favourite yellow shirt was missing. I looked high and low for that shirt, my moms house, my house, grandmas house, everyones car, but no luck. To this day every once in a while I hop on eBay or any other online clothing store that might have it. I still go to the same store where I originally got it and hope every time that I go in that it might be hanging there on the wall. Well as I said earlier few days ago, I was finally able to get out of the house for the first time since my operation. It was an awesome day, I met up with a buddy for lunch, and afterwards headed for the comic book store to pick up some comics. I then decided to pop by my work real quickly to say hi to a few friends, and then feeling a little home sick I decided to go to my home and see if anyone of my room mates were in. Now when I got there I was completely alone, so naturally I went straight to my room and jumped on my bed which I miss so so so much. It was then when I noticed a suit case on my couch, and remembered that I had told my friend Paul who was visiting from Victoria that he could stay in my room. I got back up and found myself in front of my desk where I found a note which said " Dear andrew, a mutual friend of ours "Scott" is moving and giving away a bunch of clothing, I saw this shirt and took it thinking of you. Scott then said " oh yea I think thats Chappell's"." I lifted the piece of paper and to my surprise laying there, nicely folded in all of its glory was my yellow shirt...

Two and half years later an there it was, I couldn't believe it!! Now I'm not one to usually become attached to something material specially clothing but after I found the shirt I started looking through some old pictures where I was actually wearing the shirt and began realizing that some of these pictures held some really good times in them. This shirt was around when I was meeting and making the friends I have today,

the same friends who are helping me get through the stuff I'm dealing with now. I remember this first time I ever had my heart broken, and running off to Victoria for the weekend with my two best friends. It was probably one of the funnest weekends I had ever had. I just remember feeling that things might just be okay. But I also remember the drunken mess we got our selves into that weekend haha.

Some things I don't Remember...

Some things I'd rather not haha

I know I'm really stretching here, I mean Im just finishing up writing a blog about a shirt... And yea at the end of the day it is just a shirt, I got along fine without it and will get along fine with it I guess lol. But the real message Im trying to pull out of my ass here is the same message that's on the shirt.

"I can't wait for the future"

Cheesy? Yes. Corny? Hell yes! But true none the less. This is the same shirt that Im wearing in the picture I chose as my banner for my blog, the same blog that I was ready to give up on because of how I'm feeling. If I lost this shirt again tomorrow, I'd honestly be okay, I'm just glad that something nice happened, something to remind me that it's not all bad, even though thats how it may seem. Do I still feel exhausted? Angry? worn out? Yea I really do lol, that might not change for a while, but hopeless? Not so much anymore :) Thanks for reading all. Talk to you soon!

P.S.

I really wasn't lying when I said not much had happened since my last update, I think its all clear to you that I am an emotional wreck right now as I just wrote a blog about a shirt haha. So what I've decided to do to help is to grow my movember moustache, which I do believe is coming in quite nicely. This is the first year I've actually tried growing a moustache. Now its not the thickest but I think were it lacks in fullness, it more than makes up for it in sheer perviness.

(11 days)

Chaps.

Not my day.

Where to begin,

I don't know how long I've been staring at this blank screen for now... Probably a few hours at least. While thoughts and Ideas of how to express myself come and and go through my head, the minute I look at the screen everything just disappears...

Breath...

When I 11 years old, I stole 100 dollars from my grandma and took it to school. All I want to do was just show it off to my friends, still it was wrong of me. When I brought It back home I was caught trying to sneak it back to where I found it. My grandma told me to I had to sit and wait till grandpa got home so I could tell him what I did. I was furious! What was I going to do with 100 dollars really? You could of given me a toonie back then and I would of been set for the year. I begged and pleaded my case that I was never going to spend it, but it didn't matter, and without thinking, like a little brat, I yelled at my grandma telling her she was overreacting and had that she wasn't my mother. As soon as those words flew out of my mouth you bet my hands were there to cover it. I looked at her, she looked back at me, I stood there wide eyed anticipating the backlash of what I had just said, only to see her turn around and just leave me standing there. I knew I had done wrong, so I went to her and told her I was so sorry about what I had said, she obviously forgave me but I was 11, just a child and had no idea of the true impact of my words.

An other time, Im ashamed to say told my mother that I hated her. I was in my teens, and the words just flew out of my mouth once again. She use to work nights back then, so I had all day at school then all night at home to think about it until she got home. Funny thing is I don't even remember what we were arguing or if we were even arguing at all. I just remember being furious at her and saying it straight to her face and then watching her slowly stand up and just walk out the door. When I got home that night I literally sat at the chair at the top of the steps looking down at the door all night until she got back. All the while thinking to myself what on earth I could possibly say to her to make it better. Obviously things were fine after I had apologized profusely! She is mother after all. But it doesn't excuse what I said to her, and it never will.

What Im trying to get it at is that through out our lives we will inevitably find ourselves in situations where we feel cheated, upset, heartbroken, lost etc. But what we have to accept is that anger or any emotion we feel as result of those feelings is perfectly acceptable to feel. We should never be upset with ourselves if we are angry ( something that i've always had a hard time to deal with ). But what isn't perfectly acceptable is when we let our emotions get the better of us. If we let that anger dictate our actions or in my case my words.

Im sad to say that yesterday was one of those days, but this time it wasn't a family member that i hurt with my words, it was someone who is very special to me, someone I would never want to hurt ever, but through my words I feel like I did. I was hurt, heartbroken, and angry, and still am, but the issue here is that I let those emotions get the better of me, and while I never used the words hate or your not my "family/friend etc.", I was very short, very rude, and childish, and can't help but feel like I hurt them... I've had the unbearable privilege (due to my being bed ridden because of my injury) to have lay here for the last two days and re-live it over and over. Though I got my main points across to this person, (and am sticking to them), if in the process of expressing myself I did if in fact hurt them, in any way (which im positive I did.) I just hope they read this and know that words can not express how truly sorry I am for how I acted. It wasn't my day, but that is no excuse... It should of never been like that, and like the rest of my stories, will forever be a reminder to me of how we should and shouldn't treat people... I'm so sorry.

Let this go as a lesson for everyone, that words hurt. We have to be responsible for our actions and we have teach ourselves to control our emotions. Angry or not the second we let our emotions get the better of us, is when we have the potential to do or say things that we never in a million years would think we would ever do, or even said we would never do. And even if the damage is done, we need to pick ourselves up and do the right thing and apologize, no matter how hard it can be.

Thank you all for listening, talk to you all soon.

Andrew.

Day 1.2

Well,

The big day came and went yesterday, and I'm happy that I'm alive (barely) and well (feeling like crap) haha.

Yesterday started off with me showing up at the hospital with my grandma around 615 am. By this time I was exhausted as I had once again decided not to pack until the last second, and that clearly sleep was not a necessity before my operation... BIG mistake.

I got there, and was taken to my bed pretty quickly, were I was greeted by my nurse Lauri, who had just been transferred to the hospital, and was still getting to know everyone. She was super nice and did a really good job with my IV (which was nice because I've had some pretty bad experiences in the past).

Anyways as some of you might know my original surgery date was about a month and half ago, but due to some unfortunate events ( I ate a stupid sandwich ) I wasn't able to get it done that day, and so it was rescheduled for today. Now with all that drama I was really hoping that the day would go smoothly, and right of the bat... it didn't. I laid there in my bed while nurse after nurse, doctor after doctor kept coming up to me and asking me if it was true that I had eaten a sandwich. Some actually didn't even ask, they would just show up and tell me that they wouldn't be able to operate on me today due to me eating a sandwich. Confused as to why I kept having to explain myself to everyone, and a little upset because by this time they had made me shave my leg hair (AGAIN), I found out that they still had my original admittance chart from my last visit which clearly stated that I had eaten a sandwich and was unable to go to surgery.

Finally after having everything sorted out, the time had come for the operation, by this time my heart was pounding! While I was being taken to the OR the two new nurses that would be in the OR with me could clearly see i was starting to get nervous. They took me inside laid me down on that creepy operating table... The one that looks like a crucifix

, and hooked me up to monitors. Now I dont know if you've ever had the pleasure of being hooked up to heart monitor but I personally hate it! I find being able able to hear my own heartbeat on the monitor to be really creepy. And seeing as how my heart was racing so fast, the machine was going crazy as well, which in turn would make me even more nervous then I already was haha. But the anesthesiologist put his first batch of cocktails in me, and I could immediately feel its effects. It felt as though all my veins and muscles were contracting and expanding and for a few seconds it actually really hurt, but then the numbness kicked in, and as they put the mask over my mouth, the nurse looked at me and said, "My name is... " and for the life of me I can't remember her name.

I woke up two hours later, (around 1130am) and was feeling horrible, just horrible. I was nauseous, dizzy, had a head ache and felt so very soar. It took a while before they could wheel me back to my ward where my new nurse laura was taking care of me. I quickly fell right back asleep for a few hours and when I came to and leaned over and grabbed my phone from my drawer. My nurse quickly spotted that I was awake and came up to and had asked me the weirdest question. She asked me if I had a girlfriend? Well actually first she asked me how I was feeling, and then asked me if I had a girlfriend. Now she was definitely cute, but also definitely a little old for me. She could tell right away that i had miss understood the question all and was quick to correct herself. She told me that as they were wheeling me back into my room I was asking for a girl. Not going to mention her name (we'll just call her MysteryGirl)... I Guess. The only other thing I could think of later was back to when the nurse put the gas mask on me and told me her name, and while didn't consciously hear it, maybe subconsciously I did?Either way it was really weird, I guess I asked for this Myterygirl several times before i just passed right out. Embarrassed over the hole thing I told her that I didn't have a girlfriend, and played aloof the hole situation as I really didn't feel like explaining myself. She quietly smiled at me and told me that this kind of thing happens all the time, and that once a woman was singing "shake that booty on her way out". She also said that it was to bad and called me the "handsomest man in ward 22"! haha we had a laugh and she took a picture of me with my iphone that i was clutching with my hands.

Most handsomest man in Ward 22. - Nurse.

After all this a few of my friends had texted me and so I started replying back, my grandmother had returned and asked if it was okay for me to go home. They told her that it was still to early and that they just wanted to make sure I was okay. Which at the time other than some nausea and soreness I was. My grandma left me once again and I returned back to sleep, and what happened next was probably one of the scariest things to have ever happened to me. I woke up from my sleep to find myself gasping for air, I could barely move and no matter how deep a breath I took, it felt as though I wasn't getting any air at all. I looked for my buzzer in a panic but before I could find it, the nursed had come to me with an oxygen tank and a mask with a small tube attached to it and put it in my mouth. I had never felt so relieved and yet so scared in my entire life. I laid there for about 30 to 40 mins with this mask on me thinking to myself "am i breathing on my own? or is this thing doing it for me?" Eventually a doctor came and removed the mask and told me that everything was okay, that these things happen some times, and that it was normal, but I was going to have to stay for a few more hours. By this time it was around 4pm and feeling completely alone, I texted my mother to come get me, knowing full well I wouldn't be able to leave.

When my mother and grandmother finally did show up, they found me in a totally normal and stable condition, and to this moment don't really know what happened... well kinda. I was thinking to myself I just wanted to go home, and there was no need to worry them about something that apparently was very "normal". Around 6pm the told me that I could go, and just before i started getting dressed my third nurse of the day, ( I can't remember her name ) asked me if I had gone the washroom? I told her no, and that I didn't feel like I had to. But apparently it is hospital policy not be able to leave until you can show that you can vacate your bladder as the morphine can affect this. Frustrated with everything, and just wanting to go home I went to washroom and tried to pee, but my efforts were futile as nothing came out, I laid back down, finished my water and my ginger ale, in hopes that in a few minutes I could muster a few drops and get the hell out of there. I got up once again and tried to do the business but yet again was denied. Positive that there was just nothing in there, i told the nurse that I just didn't have to go. She told me to sit tight and grabbed the sonar scanner and scanned my bladder, she informed me that not only did i have full belly, that if couldn't urinate in the next 2o mins she was going to be forced to have to put in a catheter... A CATHETER! There was no way in HELL I was going to let her put one of those things up my urethra.

As shown here.

In a panic I grabbed my empty glass of water took it with me to the washroom and filled it with extremely hot water. I sat down on the toilet and put my entire hand in the glass and began to pray to the porcelain gods to let me pee! Unfortunately the only thing secreting was a single tear down my left cheek when absolutely no pee came out. Defeated once again, I made my way out of the washroom only to see my nurse at the end of my bed with this long thick tube being unravelled. It was at this moment where either my prayers where answered, or... I was so scared I literally almost pee'd my gowned. I crutched myself back in the washroom, slammed the door an had what i can honestly say was the single greatest pee in my entire life, and probably yours =).

Soaking in victory ( pun INTENDED) I got myself dressed and after a very, very unpleasant ride home I got into bed, poped some percocet, had some chicken noodle soup and went to sleep. Today being day 1.2 I've really done nothing but sleep eat and attempt to write this blog. Its a little tough since im still really drowsy, but tommorow i'm hoping to make my dent on this large stack of books I have.

But until tomorrow, thanks for listening!

Andrew.

Still Blocked up

Hey all,

Well it's been a while since I've written anything. So I thought I'd do a little halloween blogging today.

Well, its my third favourite time of the year, Halloween!!! Really, what's not to love about halloween? Theres no snow quite yet, its still autumn. Which means It is cold... But have you ever gone running on a beautiful autumn day?

Nothing really beats it, its chilly, but once you get started you warm up just enough to be able to enjoy the scenery. Then you have all the seasonal foods and drinks, like pumpkin pie, lets not forget about thanksgiving... And even though I'm not crazy about them apparently all the coffee places start making these crazy pumpkin drinks... I dunno, I don't drink coffee, but it sounds awesome!

But my favourite part is Halloween, a chance every year to dress up and just have some fun!

Now for someone who claims to love halloween, I really have a hard time comming up with halloween costumes...

Every year It comes down the last week before I actually decide what I'm going to be, it usually works out and I find a costume, whats unfortunate is that they come out something like this.

2010

Gay Fitness Instructors

2009

Professor Chaos (aka butters from south park)

2008

APirate... (Photo NOT available haha)

Sadly I waited until the last day to find my pirate costume, so I ended up having to buy a Large boys pirate costume in some corner store in the NE... I looked gayer then my fitness instructor costume :(

(Not that theres anything wrong with that lol)

It's now 2011 oct 20th and I have yet to figure out my halloween costume, hopefully some inspiration will come my way soon, but whatever it ends up being ill be sure to post it up soon!

Happy Halloween all!

Let someone else do it!

Hey all,

Well I don't know if its the large amount of food that I've had over the last few days but I am officially declaring that I have a small but serious case of writers block...

It's horrible because have so much going on my mind right now, so many emotions I want to just let burst out! Unfortunately I'm suffering through this horrible inability to express them, So I'll do the next best thing and let T.S. Elliot do it for me! haha

Just a small poem In one of my old english binders, thought you all might like it, and well it makes me feel better knowing that I've posted something ;)

I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope,

for hope would be hope for the wrong thing.

And wait without love. For love would be love,

of the wrong thing.

Yet there is faith.

But the faith and the hope and the love, are all in the waiting.

And the darkness shall be the light

and the stillness the dancing.

Take Care and Goodnight

Andrew

Another year another turkey!

Ah yes,

Well thanks giving has been over for about two days now, but for me it ended last night! I was very fortunate this year to be able to have three... yes thats right, countem! Three! Thanks Giving dinners, which meant three helpings of stuffing, three helpings of mash potatos and three big ol butter balls!

Sunday night I had an awesome dinner over at my grandma and grandpas (my dads side) place, It was so good to see the family, my little bro and my little sister. The food was actually so good, that I decided to take a nap, well actually it wasn't so much me taking a nap but rather me literally passing out with out any desire to Haha After i woke from my coma we went to nose hill for an awesome hour walk, where I got lost in the dark and was pretty sure something was looking at me from inside the tree line.

Monday night it was time for dinner over at the moms side of the family, were i got to spend the day with new baby grace and hang out with ol Jake the snake and his friend Yoshi.

( what a cutie!! )

( Only picture I could find of these two when there not jumping and attacking each other haha, they really friends though! )

Unfortunately unlike the night before, there was un over indulgence in wine and gin, which ultimately led me to a pub with my friend miller later on that night, where at I'm quite sure I made a fool of myself... Once again. =S haha

Finally day three, tuesday. Feeling extremely hung over I stole the old Jakey Bear and took him for a run to try and sweat out all the alcohol!

730 pm the last turkey dinner had begun. This dinner was being held at our house, and our delicious meals were made by none other than our friends Alex, Rob, Miller and Richard!

we even got fancy napkins made just for richard...

(... Okay okay, we didn't have these made, we just have an extremely large amount of Ricky's napkins... Long story. haha )

The night ended up being fantastic, it was so great to have everyone at the house and be able to sit down and eat together, and just enjoy each others company, what can I say, good times!

As always there are a few people that couldn't make it, so I just want to give a special shout out to them ( you know who you are =) ), Happy Turkey Day, hope you had an amazing one! See ya next year!

-Andrew

Hoop da friggen loop!

Hey all!

Well, I told a very close friend of mine that I'd post these pics up... so here it is. Me.. making my friend a hula hoop...

Well first you have to buy your product... And where better then Totem, they have the best selection... And popcorn lol

After a long time of trying to cut through this tubing with a steak knife ( because I couldn't find our cutters) I finally finished cutting what was going to be my hoop!

This was my favourite part! While this is optional, putting both ends of your hoop in boiling water will round out your tubing and make it a better hoop! It also makes it easier to fit your connector in! But most importantly, Its fun to watch and only takes a few minutes!

This is my... "Hey! Don't look at me while I'm creating" look.

I did not take a final picture of the product unfortunately... =(

But for An Extremely easy step by step process of how to make a hula hoop Click on this link here!!

Crafty B*tch!

She knows what she's talking about =) So follow her!

I'd like to thank the Crafty B*tch for her awesome blogs! She truly is crafty... And I hope she enjoys her really uncrafty Hula Hoop :)!

A good nights run!

Hey all,

Well, as you all know I haven't really been the model of a consistent sleeping pattern lately...

This last week or so has been the worst that I've ever experienced trying to get a good nights sleep.

So struggling through this, I had decided to start running again... I was running alot back in the day, but lately I've been going every day and its been great! I have a few paths that I really enjoy, (because they are easy) and I have some that I dont ( because they are hard) either way I thought I'd share some pics with you about my adventures... they really aren't much. I've only just started taking pictures while I run, but at night, with an okay camera... The pictures are only so so.

So tonight started at around 1030... right after the calgary flames lost their home opener...

What I like to do before any run, is to stretch... Now.. I'm not going to sit here and write about the importances of stretching because to be honest, I have no idea why its so good to do it... All I know is that it is actually pretty important to do it! so just F#$king do it!!!! lol

Me... Doing it...

I usually do about 5 to 10 mins of stretching... Thats just me but I love stretching. You know when you yawn and you end up stretching your entire body and all your thinking is "dear lord this feels good"... We'll thats how I feel when I stretch lol. But after that Its just time to meditate, I like to do some breathing exercises and just get my heart rate going. When I do this I just like to stand there and kind of meditate... Almost.

Don't touch me Bro... lol

After stretching its time to get going! just start running. If your new to running just pace yourself, only do what you feel comfortable, its just you and its not a race. When I was playing soccer competitively I was able to run 90mins + without hesitation, over the last few weeks its been a struggle just to get to 45 mins. But Im taking my time and enjoying the time I have while im running. Just have FUN!

This is me... Having fun lol

And this is me... Finding free stuff!

Now whether or not you actually need the free stuff you find, is up to you. I am not in need of these... to be honest I don't know what they are, I only took a picture of them while I was running by them. BUT the point is, if you run during the day you can find so many garage sales! So always bring some money with you, if you decide to run around your neighbour hood, because you never know what you can find :)...

Anyways, as fun as running is, I always find the best part is when you get close to home. Challenge yourself and try and sprint the last Km home, or to whatever you range is. Me personally I like to sprint the last KM... at first it was impossible, but with patience and training you'll find you can do anything!

Plus when you get home you can just RELAX!!!

Me... RELAAAXing lol

Well thanks all for reading todays blog! It was fun to make, even though kind of hard taking all the pictures by myself lol. Maybe one day I'll find myself a running buddy. But until them doing it myself is what ill do... ( that sounded dirty) lol.

Have a good night all!

Best Friend

Hey all,

So I ran across this video I haven't seen in a while. This one hits really hits close to the heart as I went through a very similar situation along time ago. It's never easy having to put down your dog, and even though this video is sad, it makes you happy to see how amazing of an impact a dog can have in your life.

Hope you all enjoy it!

Miss you Buddy!

Demons & Women

Hey all,

So last night I couldn't sleep (what?! reallY?! no way!? ) at all last night. When I did finally fall asleep around 1130 am, I had three dreams... And as far as emotional responses that a dream can invoke in a person, they were all really intense, and unfortunately they were all horrible ( well one of them was horrible in a good way ) as well... Its now been a full day and I still haven't been able to shake them.

The first one woke me up at 1230am. It was about things that have been going in my life recently, but it focused on my fears, and when I woke up, I woke up furious and devastated. I couldn't remember the last time i've been so angry and sad at the same time. I'm not going to share that one because its, well, way to personal.

The second dream was the strange one out of the three. It started of with myself sitting in my room. I was thinking of a girl when one of my roommates ( not sure which one ) came in and sat next to me. He put his arm around me and told me of something that could help me get through my sadness. He told me to follow him upstairs, which I did, and as we got upstairs, the house all of a sudden was turned into my grandmas house, even though in the dream it was still my roommates and mines house. My buddy told me to follow him quickly back downstairs, which I found odd and slightly annoying but did anyways. When we got downstairs the basement I had just came from wasn't there any more, It had turned into one of those cryptic old libraries.

You could tell no one had been in here in a very long time, the smell of old pages filled the room, It was cold, dark, and dusty. He led to me the end of an isle where shelf after shelf of books were labelled witchcraft. He pulled out a large book and put it on an old table. He opened to a page and started reciting a certain spell. Now I have no clue what the spell was, it was never mentioned in my dream, but something tells me that it was love spell. Anyways he finished the spell, and I stood there feeling no different. I was confused and a very frustrated so I stormed off. On my way out of the library I noticed that there were now a few people sitting in it. But they were all men, all with open books, and yet none of them were reading, they were all just staring at me. Feeling a little creeped out I headed for the stairs with a quicker pace and headed out of the library.

I was now outside, it was night time and there were people walking all around the neighbourhood. The street lights were brighter than usual, and once again it was only men. I got to the end of the street and then started to notice something rather odd. While they were staring at me there faces were all starting to slowly turn red. Frightened I turned around and started walking back towards my house, but the closer and closer I got the more red the faces became. The mens faces then started growing horns and disfigurements like demons. The faces went from blank and wide eyed to wide eyed and very angry. Yet they did not approach me, not one.

I got myself back in the house, closed the door behind me and fell to the ground. I through my back against the door and put all my weight on it. Gasping for air, I slowly looked up, to find my house was filled with women, and I recognized every single one of them. It was house full of women that I knew and at one point or another, and at one point had a crush on or just simply found them attractive. ( it was crazy, there were some people that I haven't though of in years!!!) They were all dressed extremely provocative and were staring at me as if trying to seduce me, yet I knew that there only intention was to kill me.

Strange how outside it was only men who looked pure evil and yet did not attack, and inside it was women, beautiful but clearly only wanted to kill me. I had known now for a while that something must have gone wrong with the spell, so I headed for the back of the house to try and get back downstairs to the library. I found myself being blocked every step of the way by these women. They were all grabbing me and trying to pin me down. Mean while this was all happening, every few seconds I would hear a voice coming from a far, screaming my name, she would then follow up by yelling things like "where are you going" "This is what you wanted" "Give it up" "you can't win"and "I miss you". I couldn't tell where the voice was coming from or who it was, but it sounded very angry and very scary.As I broke my way through through everyone, I got the top of the stairs and tried closing the door, only to find a pile of clothing preventing me from closing it.

I decided to just move on down, but found that the library was no longer there, it was now my other grandmas ( dads side ) basement, but some of the libraries possessions were there; a few shelves, books, scrolls, maps and large candles. I was able to lock the the door at the bottom of the stairs behind me, buying me some time while I looked for the book of spells to see if I could come up with some anti curse thingy. As the bangs got louder and louder behind the door, the voice which was screaming my name also became louder.

I found the disenchantment and placed it apon myself just as the door came flying of its hinges! ( It was a girl I know and care for very )well. She was standing there in the threshold alone. It was at this time I realized it was her who was doing all the screaming. I prepared myself for the worst but was shocked when she did not move forward. She just stood there staring at me... She was dressed normally, and did not seem angry, or evil, or possessed in anyways. Her eyes began to swell, so I walked towards her only to find that the spell I had casted must have made me drowsy, as I attempted to get closer to her it became harder and hard to stand. I fell to the ground and began crawling towards her and then finally had to drag myself across the floor with just my hands to get to her. I can still feel fabric of the carpet beneath me, smell it... I couldn't drag myself any further, I stopped and looked up at her eyes. They were now filled with tears streaming down her face. She never took her offs off me, the pain emanating from her gaze was unbearable. I was close enough now to reach out for her hand if only she would reach out to me with hers...But then my eyes closed I believe I died ( not really sure ). This scared the crap out of me and It was then when when I woke up.

Wow this one really did a number on me, it was strange and very upsetting, but nothing compared to the third dream I had. Funny how good dreams, can be the most upsetting dreams. But that my friends Is a story that you will unfortunately never hear. Thank you all for reading my dream post, hope you all enjoyed it. I sure didn't lol. I haven't even had a chance to try to interpret them. Should be interesting to see what it means. Clearly whats going on in my life is having an effect on my sleeping patterns and experiences, its nothing i'm not use to, its just sometimes it can be at times, a little much. We have to remember that they are just dreams, and shouldn't let them play with our emotions, even though its so hard not to.

Sleep well all, have a great night.

2011/2012 K.I.P. Hockey Pool

Hello all,

Well its that time again, the hockey season is upon us and theres only a few days before it starts. So you know what that means? HOCKEY POOL TIME. I just finished my very first hockey pool draft so far, and the people in it are people who work and or who have worked at the pub that I work... ( worked ) at. We do this every year, cash prize at the end and a Trophy made by one of our regulars.

Last year I did really poorly comming in 9th out of 10... Im Trying a new strategy during my draft this year... my secret but here are my picks for this pool.

1. Sidney Crosby - Pittsburgh Penguins (7th overall)

- 11 TTl points : 66 Pts 161 sh (16.1 pts) = 82.1 pts

- 12 Projection: 90 Pts 230 sh (23 pts) = 113 pts

2. Danny Heatley - Minnesota Wild ( 14th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 64 Pts 217 sh (21.7) = 85.7 pts

- 12 Projection: 82 Pts 281 sh (28.1) = 110.1 pts

3. Rick Nash - Columbus Blue Jackets (27th overall)

- 11 TTl points : 66 Pts 305sh = 95.5 pts

- 12 Projection: 76 Pts 280 = 104 pts

4. Matt Duchene - Colorado Avalanche ( 34th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 67 Pts 202sh = 87.2 pts

- 12 Projection: 68 Pts 209sh = 88.9 pts

5. Dustin Byfuglien - Winnipeg Jets ( 47th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 53 Pts 347sh = 87.7 pts

- 12 Projection: 51 Pts 327sh = 83.7 pts

6. Mark Andre Fleury - Pittsburgh Penguins ( 54th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 36W 20L 3SO 78 pts

- 12 Projection: 34W 22L 5SO 78 pts

7. Mikko Koivu - Minnesota Wild ( 67th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 62 Pts 191sh = 81.1 pts

- 12 Projection: 75 Pts 226sh = 97.6 pts

8. Loui Erikson ( Wasn't to sure about this pick ) - Dallas Stars ( 74th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 73 Pts 179 sh = 90.9 pts

- 12 Projection: 64 Pts 185 sh = 82.5 pts

9. Duncan Keith - Chicago Blackhawks ( 97th Overall )

- 11 TTl points : 45 Pts 173sh = 62.3 pts

- 12 Projection: 52 Pts 203sh = 72.3 pts

10. Corey Crawford - Chicago Black Hawks ( 104th overall)

- 11 TTl points : 33w 18L 4SO PTS: 74pts

- 12 Projection: 30w 20L 4So PTS: 70pts

11. Johan Franzen - Detroit Redwings ( 117th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 55 Pts 248sh = 79.8 pts

- 12 Projection: 56 Pts 245sh = 80.5 pts

12. Brooks Laich - Washington Capitals ( 124th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 48 Pts 207sh = 68.7 pts

- 12 Projection: 51 Pts 205sh = 71.5 pts

13. Tobias Enstrom - Winnipeg Jets ( 137th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 51 Pts 113sh = 62.3

- 12 Projection: 50 Pts 117sh = 61.7

14. Tyler Seguin - Boston Bruins ( 144th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 22 Pts 131sh = 35.1

- 12 Projection: 44 Pts 172sh = 51.2

15. Justin Williams - Los Angeles Kings ( 157th overall )

- 11 TTl points : 57 Pts 213 = 71.3 Pts

- 12 Projection: 48 Pts 181 = 68.1 pts

16. Nick Backstrom - Minnesota Wild ( 164th Overall )

- 11 TTl points : 22W 23L 3SO Pts: 50

- 12 Projection: 26W 22L 4SO Pts: 60

17. Theo Peckham ( least favourite, look for him to go early ) - Edmonton Oilers ( 177th overall)

- 11 TTl points : 13 Pts 41sh = 17.1 pts

- 12 Projection: 14 Pts 43sh = 18.3 pts

18. Curtis Glencross - Calgary flames (184th overall)

- 11 TTl points : 43 Pts 149sh = 57.9 pts

- 12 Projection: 40 Pts 141sh = 54.1 pts

My Team Last Year: 974.10 Pts

Winning Team Last Year: 1104.20 Pts

My 2012 Selections Last Year: 1266.76 Pts

2012 Projection : 1365.5 Pts

Now I have to say, looking at my point projections, I'm Looking pretty good this year. Im over the last years winner by 266.56 points. Now the only thing here is that this year we decided to increase roster size by 2 players. But unless everyone can match the winners totals from last year, and pick two extra players that combine for more than 266.56 points I should be okay. Of course these are just projections, and knowing my luck these guys could all easily under achieve this season, or not. Either way I think I have a shot at winning this thing!

Right on!

Sunober 2nd

Hey all,

Well its about 1045 am, and once again I can't sleep, to much on my mind. I think I may be putting to much pressure on myself to get over the things I'm going through right now. Its amazing the thing we put ourselves through, and then we try and trick ourselves into thinking were okay. Im not saying I'm not going to be okay, its just right now I'm not, and it sucks. I cant deny it. I can't count how many times my finger was on the send button just a press away from undoing everything I've done... Every second thought in my head is that someone and it kills me. All I can say is I'm glad I have my friends and family to help me through this, even though it might not seem like I appreciate it, I really do.

The moral is to stay strong all, I know when people tell you things like, "oh it will be okay" "you'll be stronger" "patience is virtue" "time will heal all" you just wanna punch them in the face. But they're just trying to help. And thats what we need right now, help. Because we can't go through this alone. And by being strong, we accept that we do need help.

Anyways, I cant believe im saying this but its 11am and I think I'm finally tired... Take care all.

Hope your okay.

Chaps

First Of The Year (Equinox) - Skrillex [OFFICIAL]

Well,

During my futile attempt at trying to sleep, a friend of my mine passed this video along to me, told me watch the hole thing which is what I'm asking of you. Never been a big fan of dub but I really enjoyed this song and the video is awesome as well! kind of scary at one point lol but then again I'm a big wimp lol Enjoy

George Carlson update.

George is in really bad mood, things aren't going very well for him lately. And I quote, "if this life was a pancake, it would be the worst pancake ever" poor guy.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

So in my random browsing of Youtube I cam across this video I haven't seen in a very long time. Im actually quite surprised I forgot about it.

This video is about a man named matt, a normal guy from Australia who one day got tired of his regular day to day life, so he decided to quit his job and and go traveling. He's made a pair of videos so far which is basically him around the world dancing like an idiot. But the thing about this video in particular that I like so much is that he was able to have others join him in the dancing. And for for 4 mins and 29 seconds thousands of people from around 42 countries were all joined together in dance.

Enjoy!

Chaps.

What comes now

Hey all,

Well, what was said was said. What needed to be done was done. For the first time in a long time, I find myself feeling no anger, no stress and a bit of relief. Yet even though I feel good about where I am at the moment, and even though I feel I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I can't help but feel sad, my heart is still broken.

Im sad things couldn't work out the way I wanted them to. Im sorry that where we are is directly caused by what we felt at one point was good ( which it was! by all means ). In saying that, given the chance to do things all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. Every once in a while a special person may come in to your life, and you don't know how long they will be with you, but you should cherish every moment with them.

But at the end of the day we all need to take care of ourselves. Which unfortunately means making those hard decisions. But its not making those decisions that is difficult part, it's sticking with them. It's trying to convince ourselves that we owe it to ourselves to push forward. We owe it to ourselves to sacrifice some things so that we can be happy later, and so that maybe one day we can share that happiness with someone. It might be a different person, might be the same person. Who knows. We can't worry about what the future brings, all we can do is live in the present.

It's been a hard week for me ( just read my blogs hahaha ) Yea yea I know, what your thinking... deja vu. Well your right, I have already written about this before. So Im not really going to do it again. like I said before, what needed to be done is done, and what needed to be said was said, except for one thing. Your not alone, Im there for you if ever you truly need someone :)

Thanks everyone!

Eddie is Gold

So,

Well much to your surprise (I'm Sure) it's about 550 am and I'm wide awake,

So I'm PERU-zing (sorry) around youtube and decided to search Eddie Vedder... As you do duh.

I found a clip from of one of my favorite songs from his first solo album, its called society.

Now playing next to him was someone who I didn't know. Luckily Eddie says his name and it turns out being a Liam Flin, a Musician/songwriter born in Australia before moving to New zealand. I decided to check him out on youtube and the first video I found was this, and it literally blew my mind away. Hope you enjoy!

The song is called "Second Chance" and its from his first album "I'll be Lighting."

Now maybe everyone has heard of him, and Im just really out of the loop, which may very well be as my musical knowledge is quite limited. But either way Im just finishing up listening to his first album and the guy has talent for sure, look him up on youtube as he has some amazing live performances.

Cheers all!

There was nothing to hold him back except himself.

Hey all,

Before I get started I want to share a snippet from an episode of south park called "Raisins" Season 7 Episode 14. Since first seeing this episode, this part has always stuck with me. Every time I find myself in a situation similar to the one I'm in now I draw from this and it makes me feel a little better. And it just goes to prove that Butters is by far the best south park character there is.

Goth Kid 2 - Yeah, we're gonna go to the graveyard and write poems about death and how pointless life is.

Butters - Uh, uhm no thanks. I love life.

Stan - Huh? but you just got dumped.

Butters - Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human. And the only way I could feel this sad now is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good, so I guess what I'm feeling is a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds stupid.

So without getting into to much detail, today was a pretty rough day for me. I did what was honestly the last thing I ever wanted to do. I had to let go of someone I love even though In love is exactly what I still am with them. It gave me no satisfaction and to be honest hasn't made things easier on me. But to add another quote..."If you have chemistry you only need one other thing, timing. But timings a bitch" ( ill let you figure out where i got this one

No one ever likes making these types of decisions, they're not easy and they're not fun. Whats worst about them is that deep down inside, we know they're right. While I do agree that we need to take the good with the bad, it should never be at the same time. Love might be hard to find but, "One is loved because one is Loved. No reason is needed for loving."- The Alchemist. And while we did love each other it just couldn't happen, not now.

I had just recently read the Alchemist, Its a pretty quick read (I read it in one sitting) but I absolutely loved it. It's about a Shepherd that sets out on to find his treasure by fulfilling his personal legend ( life's dream if you will ). It recounts his journeys and the lessons he learns along the way up until the very end. He then finally understands that, the true meaning of his personal legend was not to find the treasure, but to understand the personal legend itself. Only then would he find his treasure.

The one thing I noted was that every time someone realized which book it was that I was reading they all came up to me and told me basically the same thing. "Thats a great read. Its quick and has a good story to it, but you can also draw so much from it... if you need to." Even though I heard what they all had to say, until now, up until this very day, I had never truly understood it. But I think I have now, for my part anyways.

Love is strong and powerful, but as amazing as it is, it comes with its good and it comes with its bad (as butters so elegantly put =) ). But what love should never do is stop us from living our lives ( our personal legends). She new that, and even though I could tell she knew, i just wouldn't listen to her or myself... until i finally clued in and made the decision to let her go, which was horrible, hardest thing I've ever had to do. I don't want to bullshit you all and make you think that I'm okay, because I'm not. Im heartbroken and devastated. But I do think I'm a stronger person for it, and I think shed agree.

Whats good about my situation; the good that has come with the bad, is that I think I'm ready to start living my life, Its opened my eyes. Being with her made me want to be a better person, I never knew how happy I could be until I was with her. And I love her for it, and always will. Maybe that happiness she gives me is my treasure, (maybe not, who knows) But its not about the treasure, its about getting there, Its about making those hard decisions, and living life to its fullest. which is what I plan to do. So yea, you know what I'm gonna mope around for a few days, feel sorry for myself (not gonna lie) but after wards I'm gonna pick myself up and start getting on with my life. And maybe someday Ill find that treasure because "wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure."

I really do appreciate anyone who decides to sit and read my blogs. Over the next few weeks I have off, i;m really gonna try and organize it a little better so that its not just me spilling everything about my life. Try and make it little more fun. But still as always, be a place were people can come see that they aren't alone. Thanks

Take care all!